Monday, October 17, 2005

You and I

The stars, the sun and moon are all the same,
we speak of the same side, shade and name,
but the side of the sky from which I see,
is but yours and odds might never be.

I have come to terms with my numbers,
and the zeros have rolled on in,
from negative to neutral and on higher power,
I have equated you somehow; negating innocence to sin.

Truth to speak fellow glassed subject,
your framed eyes catch me numb,
but oh! the probable chances might just object,
of chance crossing common factor sums.

Endlessly however; truth is that you and I,
are mere quadrants; slipping through x,
or flying up y,
our paths are perpendicular,
intersecting lines that defy.

Ainaa Azhar

30th September 2005

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Maud

Well today i was just doing a little look over my blog (...yes this "thing") and i was looking through my sidebar (yes, i have a sidebar if u have noticed), so i so happened to stumble upon Maud.

Ainaa was the first one to show me this poem and if u as a person can't value this piece of literature, i dunno how ur meant to be called a person.

Alfred Tennyson, Lord Tennyson

Maud

COME into the garden, Maud,
For the black bat, Night, has flown,
Come into the garden, Maud,
I am here at the gate alone;
And the woodbine spices are wafted abroad,
And the musk of the roses blown.

For a breeze of morning moves,
And the planet of Love is on high,
Beginning to faint in the light that she loves
On a bed of daffodil sky,
To faint in the light of the sun she loves,
To faint in his light, and to die.

All night have the roses heard
The flute, violin, bassoon;
All night has the casement jessamine stirr'd
To the dancers dancing in tune;
Till a silence fell with the waking bird,
And a hush with the setting moon.

I said to the lily, 'There is but one
With whom she has heart to be gay.
When will the dancers leave her alone?
She is weary of dance and play.'
Now half to the setting moon are gone,
And half to the rising day;
Low on the sand and loud on the stone
The last wheel echoes away.

I said to the rose, 'The brief night goes
In babble and revel and wine.
O young lord-lover, what sighs are those
For one that will never be thine?
But mine, but mine,' so I sware to the rose,
'For ever and ever, mine.'

And the soul of the rose went into my blood,
As the music clash'd in the hall;
And long by the garden lake I stood,
For I heard your rivulet fall
From the lake to the meadow and on to the wood,
Our wood, that is dearer than all;

From the meadow your walks have left so sweet
That whenever a March-wind sighs
He sets the jewel-print of your feet
In violets blue as your eyes,
To the woody hollows in which we meet
And the valleys of Paradise.

The slender acacia would not shake
One long milk-bloom on the tree;
The white lake-blossom fell into the lake,
As the pimpernel dozed on the lea;
But the rose was awake all night for your sake,
Knowing your promise to me;
The lilies and roses were all awake,
They sigh'd for the dawn and thee.

Queen rose of the rosebud garden of girls,
Come hither, the dances are done,
In gloss of satin and glimmer of pearls,
Queen lily and rose in one;
Shine out, little head, sunning over with curls.
To the flowers, and be their sun.

There has fallen a splendid tear
From the passion-flower at the gate.
She is coming, my dove, my dear;
She is coming, my life, my fate;
The red rose cries, 'She is near, she is near;'
And the white rose weeps, 'She is late;'
The larkspur listens, 'I hear, I hear;'
And the lily whispers, 'I wait.'

She is coming, my own, my sweet;
Were it ever so airy a tread,
My heart would hear her and beat,
Were it earth in an earthy bed;
My dust would hear her and beat,
Had I lain for a century dead;
Would start and tremble under her feet,
And blossom in purple and red.



---
To me that's just beautiful...beautiful...


P.S. Check out "flysui" in sidebar

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Some sausages and pole dancing

Well last night i went for a bbq party, was quite fun...
We did things like truth or dare...which lead to things such as I (dare) doing poledancing and someone else saying (truth) i was the most handsome guy there :) More interestingly though was watching certain guys kiss certain guys and watching certain guys kiss grass :p

Eventually when all the girls had left, the saying "guys show their true colour when they ain't no girls!" became a fact.

Anywayz...pics!



Hoong


Si Xuan


Jason


Yan Chuin






Thursday, October 06, 2005

Bone Tumour

Wooohooo YAy!!! i got a

BONE TUMOUR

Ever since i can rmb, whenever i sit down in a cramped space (theater, cinema, plane, etc), my right knee feels cramped after a while. If i stand up i then have all these cracking noises coming from my knee.

Ever since i can rmb, i have shrugged of all these effects as just something usual, something that happens everyday, something normal to everyone. But i was wrong, and now i know what i have...

A few weeks back i made a discovery, in the ed board room to be precise. I realized that my leg leading to my knee had a bump on it. It is not very noticeable alone, but if u compare it with my left leg, there's much of a difference. Well i told mum abt it and she said we'll check it out after my exams.

Well now we have,

That was today.

It shocked me at first when the doctor told me that it was a bone tumour, although he inserted the statement with plenty of consolation that the tumour looked like it was non-cancerous. The question still remained though, is this truly cancerous or not?

To get a better look at things, i was sent to the 5th floor to undergo a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) scan. Well if u've ever done an MRI scan, you'll know that its a painstaking process. The scan takes 30-45mins and if u move a muscle in the whole operation, then u'll have to start all over again. So basically for 30-45mins or so i was left in a room, with only a beeping machine and music from a radio as my company, not being allowed to move a muscle.

Although my body was asleep, my mind was awake. I had a lot of time to think, alone in a room. I was contemplating the possibility of i having cancer and what my life has been up to this moment. My family, my friends, everyone that i cared for. I guess i questioned what really have i done on this earth.

Well the results of the scan were good i suppose. The conclusion is that it shouldn't be cancerous. But nonetheless i have to get it extracted because it impede's my movement. Additionally, if i dun remove it, there is a small chance that the tumour might actually become malignant. We will get the radiologist's report tomorrow.

Our resolution however, is that we're going to seek some second opinions on the whole operation, just to make sure we know its not malignant or if there's any other way to solve the issue. The operation itself will cost RM16000 ( i dunno why my mum cares, cuz its MY LIFE at stake and the company will pay for it).

I think that if i do undergo the surgery though, i would like to do it after my shanghai holidays. Because after this surgery i'll be walking in leg braces for 6 weeks. In addition to that, it will take about 6 months to fully recover. So before i get dragged down to hell i'd like a little taste of heaven.


An Xray of my tumour, the doctor believes its exostosis



















This is my knee cap that is no longer aligned properly due to the tumour, its called lateral patella maltracking


This is the X Ray machine


This is the MRI machine


The following are MRI images:
This is a crossection of my knee in a normal section


This is where u can see the beginning of the tumour forming

This is the tumour at its climax


This is a fish in the KLSMC (KL Sport Medical Centre) fish tank. It wasn't pretty but i liked it, i called it Bob....dun ask me why, (it has nothing to do with my dad's name)

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Hand Soap

Well that's what this post is inspired by, hand soap.

My maid came to me today, and she was complaining how the downstairs bathroom hand soap was really really really smelly. Yet, i gave it a sniff and i thought it smelt lovely. I guess the crux of what i'm saying is that what one person likes is not necessarily what some other person may like. Like durian.

But anywayz, the thought of how ppl like different smells made me think of pheromones...and from pheromones - love. As u all know pheromones, are chemicals that our body produces to attract mates. It is unsure whether this still applies to humans, but to the majority of the animal kingdom, pheromones are crucial.

So it made me think of how u can love someone, pour all your love into that one soul, where very single passing moment of ur minds inner mechanics revolves around the image of the person u love.

Yet,

The person may not love u.

I guess its just like that, pheromones are basically the explanation to what we normally refer to as 'love chemistry'. It's strange that without this special chemistry, nothing else matters, no possibility of love can ever sprout without chemistry as its soil, water and light.

Have u ever felt that u have so many similarities with a person til that person could be ur double? Everything u wanted lies with that person. Everything u ever could hope for in ur lover resides within that person.

Yet,

You don't love the person.

Why? I guess it comes down to 'that' again...

pheromones..

And if everything is based on pheromones it then questions the sacredness of love. I still hold love sacred in my heart and mind. Yet this so-called love is manipulated by a pheromone. Not how compatible u are with that individual, then how is it sacred? Is love not meant to be the unifciation of 2 souls that enjoy each other. Yet this is all played out by a chemical that triggers certain reactions in our brain.

So in the end,

is there love?

Or is it just the wrong hand soap.



Site on pheremones here

Monday, October 03, 2005

I DROVE

Well this ain't much of a post cuz i'm not really going to elaborate on it.
But since the whole goal of me making this blog is to act as my so-called diary,
I think this is an important thing i must put down in words.

On the 1st of October 2005, Warren Chan drove his mother's car (WGD 8038, E-class merc)( i know that sounds show-offish but this is reallly a log for myself) with his dad (bob chan leong sun) to the nearby (500-600 metres) petrol station(BP) in Gasing Indah.

The car did not recieve ANY damage, no scratches, no crashes, etc. No one was killed either.

Dad drove on the way back cuz he said i drove scary. When we reached our housing area, we switched seats and i took a drive around the neighbourhood a few times.

Yay :D

Haircut...again :p

Dang i seem to log record my haircuts in my blog don't i :p
Well i just like b4 and after pics
Its interesting to see something the same, yet not quite :)

Anywayz i took these pics with my new t7 cybershot dad bought from Hong Kong
I actually wanted him to buy an ipod nano, i even sent a really suggestive sms

"dad, since ur in Hk, why dun u check out the prices for the new ipod nano. And see if they have it in black too. Love u and miss you"

Hehehe, well the ipod nanos were sold out, but he came back with a t7 cybershot so i'm not complaining ^^

So, the "after" picture was actually kinda dark so i used photoshop, i'll post a pic of that just to show how much i'v egot addicted to photoshop XD

Before haircut


This is the after pic b4 i photoshopped it


After haircut photoshopped


The Sony t7 cybershot ^^!! against a mirror

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I started a joke~

I'm unhappy now, i really am at the moment. Not sad about myself, but sad about everything else around me.

I WANT TO HEAR A CHINESE RACIST JOKE.

I'm serious...yesterday we were talking in class. Since there was plenty of time before the exam was to begin, we naturally got into a group of telling jokes. The group was chinese. Now here's the part i'm not proud of, I told a racist malay joke. As i said, i'm not proud of it, but i'm admitting it now becuz i wanna get the feelings of my chest. And to add to my guilt...everyone laughed like crazy.

I don't understand why...why i don't know any chinese racist jokes. I mean there's plenty of indian jokes and there's a few malay jokes too. But 'til now i still haven't heard a real proper stab-at-chinese racist joke. It sounds awkward of me saying this, but i feel sad that my own race hasn't been stabbed at.

Now i'm not saying that i'm sad because i feel we're left out, as if we've been deprived. No, i'm feeling sad that we have not been touched by these racist jokes. Why our culture or race hasn't been stabbed at. And what's worse is it means that chinese have been making jokes about other races, laughing at them, giggling behind their backs, whereas other races have just been quiet and not stung back chinese...they've been peaceful. From my point of view its the other races that shud be respected for that, for not being childish.

I asked mom abt this, and she said the reason why i haven't heard any jokes against chinese is cuz i myself am chinese so ppl wun say it to my face. So i asked my malay/indian friends abt it, and they dun know any chinese jokes, and if they do know one or two, they are lame, mild chinese jokes. So are they really any good chinese jokes? Even my indian/malay friends have heard of jokes set against their own race, so why is it that i haven't?